Thirty n dirty :)

  

   Being almost 30.. its a killer thought once it sinks in, but you're only as young as you feel. I feel released, i feel matured, i also feel like i can take the damn consequences. It's like building a cake and i am just putting the icing on to make it beautiful. My dreams have deepened, my desires have multiplied, my darkness has increased, my heart has died and my fantasies are dominating. 

   50 shades of grey..damn stupid book and movie..its such a stupid stereotype and cliche. I finally understand it, its not about having sex, not about the love story, not about the toys and the red room. Its all about the feelings of freedom, the liberty that it gives you, the edges that become polished and the mind that goes wild. Its acting upon your instincts, releasing those damn dark corners of your mind, its about opening them up and widen them, stretch them as far as you can. 

    It's about giving in and enjoying, the rush, the adrenaline, the dangerous. There is no guilt, no judgement, no caring about anyone else but yourself. The selfishness of wanting more, wanting it all, wanting them just for you. The time has come to be your worst self and at the same time the best version you've seen. Its not about them, its all about you. Its the beginning of a movie that you feel so deep it literally alters every single pore on your skin. 

   It's about the sweat, its about mind numbing, penetrating and distructive feeling you've ever had. Its about letting go of control and giving in. Look as deep and as dark as you want, feel the burning passion, the desire, the emotion coursing through your veins. Its about feeling your blood boil, its about not hearing your thoughts anymore but living the pleasure. 

   Its releasing those chained, obscure thoughts that you never thought could come to surface. It's about what you could experience and not about what they tell you to experience. It's about those sensations that you've deprieved yourself of and you've just now uncovered. It's like digging up an old buried treasure of which you've always had the map to but never dared to adventure. 

   My whole life has been about peeking through that red door where the treasure lied, about touching the surface but never dared, about half assed experiments, failed attempts with the wrong people. Always looking and never finding. 

Now its time to unleash, now it's time to not look back but to feel, now its time to let go and go on a wild savage search.